I have just spent the last six months in a specialist neuropsychiatric unit in a South London hospital. The team have been trying to help me manage better the symptoms of the chronic illness which has dictated my life for the last thirty years. The unit was noisy and intense, full of slamming doors and panic alarms which did nothing to ease my migraines or seizures. It was full of needy people, some with an FND (Functional Neurological Disorder) like me, others with brain injuries following severe trauma. The adjustment from living quietly on my own, rarely leaving the house, was huge. It was so difficult to pray in that place. I felt alone, isolated and alienated from the ‘real’ world, subject to the ‘unnatural’ whims of a ward regime, unable to make many of my own choices about my time, about my food, about my company.
And yet, regardless of whether I could pray, there were countless times I was reminded that others were praying for me and holding me during this season: time and again God’s loving presence was manifested through someone else just when I needed it. A card, a letter, a cup of tea, a kind word; they were all vehicles of God’s mercy to me when I was struggling to see the wood for the trees.
When I felt the blanket of depression descending once again in response to changes in medication and psychological treatments, I had to find a way of strengthening my gratitude practice; I knew I had to be prepared to dig even deeper to mine each day for gold in the face of the descending darkness. I had to find a small, manageable way to make a visible, tangible record of God-with-me because, spiritual toddler that I am, I am prone to forget.
For years I have been using what I call ‘Grace Notes’ to catalogue my gratitude to God. These have consisted of more or less scribbled lists in a journal that might itemise that day’s visitors to the bird feeders, or the way the light spilt across the living room carpet.
In September 2013 I wrote a post on my shot at ten paces blog which tried to sum up my reliance on Grace Notes:
These are no more than a list of jotted words and phrases of things and thoughts, conversations, occurrences, sights and sounds etc that are not just ‘good’ in and of themselves but for which I am profoundly grateful. Grateful for the fact that these things, thoughts, conversations, occurrences, sights, sounds etc have been given – to me, at that precise moment, out of the whole universe of all that is – and that they feel like moments of deep beneficence just for me from my God who is Love. Each one is an ‘everyday epiphany’ to use John Milton’s beautiful phrase.
In turn, my ‘Grace Notes’ serve as a very useful reminder of how and who I have been that week, or month or year – and so form the basis for the next cycle of thanksgiving.
The ‘notes’ are literal in this sense but also that they often speak of only partial fragments at the heart of what has been given to me that day, of what really resonated within me. If I can begin to glimpse those essences, hear those reverberations, and embrace the uniqueness of each gift that day, then I can begin to Glory in the Gratitude.
Now in 2019 when I feel I can’t pray in any conventional sense, when I feel I can’t even believe, making a ‘Grace Note’ still helps root me back into the conviction I have held since I was first ill thirty years ago: God is in my details. There is no minutiae in my life that is beyond God’s loving gaze. ‘Grace Notes’ are the tangible evidence of Presence when sometimes all I can feel is absence.
During the early days of my hospital admission I was following a free online art course called ‘sketchbook revival’ (30 days of continual practice with different artists and mentors – I can recommend it for next year!), I came across an artist called Jennie Moraitis who has developed the habit of using small doodles in small notebooks to make what she calls ‘happy journals’. Words were in short supply at that time, (I normally write several journal pages daily) and I could not describe how I felt since I was so overwhelmed by the hospital environment and the demands of the treatment, so the prompt to add doodles to my ‘Grace Notes’ was a timely one (and because they weren’t supposed to be works of art, my perfectionist self could do them relatively uncritically which was also a huge source of peace to my busy brain!).
Even though I try to pray ‘thank You for this day’ each night as I switch out the light to sleep, the habit of gratitude is still not firmly engrained in me. And yet, I remain convinced that it is highly possible that gratitude, the practice of thanksgiving, moment by moment, is the most important building block for a life of mature faith. My soul soars to recognise everything is Gift. The generosity of the Giver continues to astound me. Grace is showered upon me, leading me further and further in to discover the infinite wonders of the Maker’s Universe in the view from my sickroom window.
If my eyes will see and my ears will hear, this is all evidence God is with me, in this too; present here, now.
And when I do see and hear, I can whisper ‘Hallelujah’. ‘Thank You’.
By Trevor Horn —
Yea, it’s Monday. That glorious day where the Type A folks like myself decide to write a blog post starting at 6:34 AM to show how much better we are there then everyone else…kidding, but seriously.
Okay, let me give you some back story. In this season I have been learning a ton about health and wholeness. I have been diving into topics like nutrition and sleep (crazy how central they are?!). And 3 months ago I even started the average person’s nightmare, Crossfit. Yes, I did it. This is my confession (maybe that should be its own post?). I have been thinking about it for YEARS (because again, I am that kind of person) and I finally walked into a gym August 1st. And lo and behold, I LOVE IT! I love the intensity, I love the competition, I love feeling like crap 5 days a week and barely being able to walk home after (again, I’m that guy).
So I have been getting pretty good at this Crossfit thing which led me to the fantastic idea of attempting trying to do 2-a-days for working out this week (again, I have deep seeded issues – blame my parents). My first attempt began with a 4:45 AM workout this morning. Yes…you read that right…4:45 AM. Like in the morning when most people are just hitting REM sleep I was hitting the gym.
I wish I could say the rest of this post was going to be about how good I am and how much better I am then everyone else (I am working towards being a healthy and fully integrated 3…if you don’t get it just look up the Enneagram…) BUT it’s not. It’s about the disaster I created to start my families week.
First of all, we’ll start with my darling 3 year old who wakes up THE SECOND I open the door to leave. Like THE SECOND. I don’t even know how he knows. Telepathy? Technology? A Tracker? A tracker is my running theory because if I move and get up out of bed HE IS THERE (like literally staring into my soul 3 inches from my face). Anyways, so my 3 year old “stalker” wakes up, but I basically ignore it (notice the “it.” I think “it” may be a better way to describe my 3 year old in this season.). And then I went to the gym. Yes….I still went to the gym…at 4:45 AM and left my wife (who HATES mornings) to fend for herself. It’s as cold as it gets outside, but again, I have to do 2-a-days to prove how much better I am than everyone else (I mean how does she not get that?!).
I am not sure what I thought was going to happen at this point. Like, will my 3-year old opens up the fridge, cooks himself some eggs and lets everyone else sleep in? Heck, maybe he would make everyone breakfast? Such a generous soul.
If only…here’s the reality. He spitfully WAKES UP EVERYONE BY 4:51 AM. Yes, everyone. And by everyone I mean my 2 year old and wife who both HATE mornings (like HATE is a soft word…my wife uses the words “sheol” and “Hades” in the same vein). By the time I get to the gym, I get “that” text. All my peeps with young kids know what I am talking about. Where one spouse just sends, “get home now.” Sometimes to make the point faster, my wife just sends the personalized emoji of her cursing which means I need to drive twice as fast or someone will be dead in ten minutes.
So by 5:30 AM (yes…5:30…I actually still tried to workout…what is wrong with me?!), I am back home. I am pissed, she is pissed, my stalker is happy and my 2-year-old has no freakin idea what is happening. Like he can’t tell if it’s morning or night with the dazed look he has in his eyes. He has just hit the point where he is literally just laying on the ground not moving. I don’t think my wife killed him but will confirm once the sun comes up.
At this point, there is only one logical solution…get in the shower and LOCK THE DOOR. I mean I know my stalker will find a way to pick the lock with his baby screw driver but at least I get a few moments of peace. Did I say by this point it’s 5:37 AM (so again, I am better than you). Anyways, I am showering as my stalker is now crying because he can’t pick the lock, my wife is up 3 hours before she should be and now is drinking coffee out of her big gulp and my 2 year old still isn’t moving (maybe we should check on him?).
And all I hear as I sit in the shower is this… “You are enough.” Three simple yet revolutionary words.
Words that this Type A, Enneagram 3, 4:45 AM waking up Crossfitter is learning to actually believe and rest in. I am enough whether I (attempt) to workout twice a day or don’t workout at all. I am enough whether I conquer the whole world in a day or I am having to lock the door to be able to shower at 5:37 AM (which I would not advise for long periods of time with young children…). I don’t have to be the best or beat everyone on Monday morning at 4:45 AM but I can simply accept the invitation to be human and be enough as I am right now (which is tired and needing my 3rd cup of coffee by 7:09 AM…).
I am not sure what kind of morning your having. Maybe you started your morning at 4:44 AM (which would piss me off & I will beat you tomorrow…oh wait, that’s not the point of this whole “enough” thing). Maybe you slept in past your alarm, had the type of morning where you locked your shower door to your own little stalker and are running late to whatever’s next. Maybe your in a season where it feels like every morning is one to forget and you don’t want to get out of bed ever again. Whatever or wherever it may be, know that you are enough this morning, this week and always. Nothing will ever change the reality that you are enough as you are, where you are, as you are.
This is what I am thankful for while I write this Monday morning meditation. I am grateful for the invitation of God to know his sweet embrace this morning. To know that I am enough in the messiness of young kids, in my feeble attempts at trying to outperform the world and while I am locked in the bathroom at 5:37 AM. I am enough and that is enough and I hope you know the same. And I am with you all in learning this much needed truth as I sit locked in my shower at 5:37 AM.
” But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong”. – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
I wrote this prayer several years ago but as I watched the devastation being caused by the 100 fires raging across New South Wales and Queensland, as well as California it came to mind again as an appropriate prayer for this time.
God Almighty giver and sustainer of life,
For those whose homes are threatened by fire,
we ask your mercy.
For those whose lives are threatened by flames,
We pray your protection.
For those who have lost all their possessions,
We prayer your comfort.
For those whose health is impaired by smoke,
We pray your healing.
Be with those who respond,
Keep safe firefighters, police and volunteers.
Make their efforts effective.
Be with those who grieve
Bring them comfort.
Surround the animals in harms way
May they find shelter.
God in your mercy,
Hear our prayers.
Amen.
(c) Christine Sine. (Adapted from a 2013 prayer)
by Lilly Lewin
The Season of Advent is all about waiting and preparing for the arrival of Jesus. Honestly, we really don’t like waiting, we want everything right now, right? But what about waiting for Jesus? Is that different?
How do you feel about waiting? When you hear that awful word, “wait,” what comes to mind? How does God view waiting? How long are you willing to wait for a friend or a coworker? Or even someone you don’t like? Are you a fast food follower or a slow cooker/crock pot Christian? Do you expect God to answer now, or are you willing to wait?
These are just some of the questions you and your community are invited to consider in the prayer stations of the Advent Waiting Sacred Space. 
This Sacred Space will help your community connect with God using all their senses. The Advent Waiting Sacred Space Prayer Experience is a downloadable kit that comes with all the signage to print out for each station, a Leader’s Guide with supply lists and how to’s and photos of each station as a guide for creating your own! The Kit includes 14 Prayer Stations in all!
The Advent Waiting Sacred Space prayer experience is flexible and can be used in different ways based on your community’s needs. It can be set up for a weekend at your church, used on a retreat, or set up for an entire week hosted by you in the evenings, so your community can experience it and bring friends who might never come on a Sunday morning. Or rather than using all the prayer stations at one time, you can do one or two stations each week to go along with your teaching/sermon during Advent. You choose the format that works best for you.
Help your community step away from the craziness of Christmas, and slow down to prepare their hearts for Jesus! Download the Advent Waiting Sacred Space Kit from Freerange Worship or the Christmas Sacred Space called The Christmas Incarnation that features 8 prayer stations about the birth of Jesus. Take time to engage God with all your senses this season.
©lillylewin and freerangeworship.com
With fall in full bloom here in Seattle and winter approaching, this time of the year continues to remind me to slow down and begin to rest. For some of you in the southern hemisphere, summer is budding and even with a busier schedule, maybe that means you need to find the places to rest.
With a new season, we wanted to offer Christine’s book, Rest in the Moment to you again. The twelve meditations in this beautiful full color book are designed to provide moments of refreshment throughout the day or week. The blending together of prayers, reflections, questions and photos invite us to pause, reset and refresh ourselves. Rest is such an important part of the rhythm of our lives, not just a weekly rest of Sabbath, but pauses of rest throughout the day to reset our focus and renew our connections to God. We all need times when we pause for refreshment and renewal. Just as the night calls us to rest after a busy day and the winter calls us to rest after busy seasons of planting growth and harvest, so too does God beckon us to rest after hours of busy work.
Order yours today as you enter into a new rhythm and season and our prayer is that it will be a tool to help you reflect for Godly pauses in your new season of life.
Rest for the Moment Hard Copy – $19.99
By Talitha Fraser —
In these troubled times it can seem that there is more that separates us than connects us, a fear of the future that invites apathy and hopelessness, pain and a burden of worry that some days can seem more than we can bear. I am grateful for these, our pain is a signal that something is wrong. How do we breathe through that like a woman in labour bringing forth new life? The pain has already been borne. The life has already been given, and risen. The vinegar is wine, poured out for you. Drink from this cup, poured out abundantly for you and be refreshed.
Breathe. Exhale.
Sip and sigh. Sing and cry.
You can’t change the world, only yourself.
Talitha. Talitha.
Talitha.
I tell you arise
That is what this life is for.
That is the cup that pours.
How the song goes and that cup overflows.
You want the world to be different?
It is, because you are here.
You breathe, and be and bear.
I’ll take your tears and fears and trade you Grace.
See my Face? It’s also yours.
That is the cup that pours.
Breathe and be and bear.
Come near, come here.
This is the cup that pours. This cup is yours.
[I suggest re-reading this to yourself using your own name where mine is now]
By Lynne Baab —
My older son turns 40 in a few weeks, and I’ve battled insomnia since I was pregnant with him. Thankfully, “battled” is no longer the correct word. In the past decade or so, I have peacefully acknowledged that I will have periods of sleeplessness some nights. I use those times for prayer and reflection.
I’ve created four imaginary worlds where I often spend time during the night hours when I’m awake. In three of the worlds, I have designed places where I engage in thankfulness. I want to tell you about these mental pictures that I have dreamed up because one of them may help you notice the things you’re thankful for and express those thanks to God.
One of my worlds has a large thankfulness garden full of identical sculptures of various sizes. The sculptures are shaped like waffle ice cream cones which sit upright on their small end. The sides of the cones are covered with swirling designs that are three dimensional enough that little ornaments can be hung on the swirls.
Each time I visit that garden with Jesus by my side, I erect a new sculpture. The size depends on how many things I want to be thankful for at that time. Sometimes my prayers focus on things I’m thankful for from that day or the last few days. Each item I’m thankful for becomes an ornament that I hang on the sculpture for that day or time period. Sometimes the sculpture focuses on an aspect of my life, such as things I’m thankful for in relationships or things I’m grateful for about my home.
All of the large and small sculptures from past moments of thankfulness stay there. I can’t remember exactly what’s on all the ornaments, or even what the topic of each thankfulness sculpture was, but when I imagine walking in the garden among dozens of thankfulness sculptures, the sheer number of them reminds me of how good God has been to me.
Another of my worlds has a tree painted on a interior wall of a house. Again, the tree is tree dimensional enough that I can hang thankfulness ornaments on it. Across from the tree, in my imaginary room, is a sofa where I sit beside Jesus looking at the tree and generating ornaments for it. On the tree, the ornaments are not in topics like the sculptures in my other imaginary world. I just hang all sorts of random things I’m thankful for on that tree.
Illustration by Dave Baab
My third imaginary thankfulness place involves a sculpture of hands sitting on a deck overlooking a valley with Mount Rainier on the other side. The sculpture is about my height, showing a left and right forearm touching on their inner sides, with the hands spread back, uplifted toward the sky. You can see what it looks like in the illustration for this post. When I visit that deck, I think of things I’m grateful for and I lay them in the hands of the sculpture. Because the hands are raised toward heaven, I have the sense of bringing those moments of thankfulness into God’s presence.
The conscious practice of thankfulness has changed my life. Twenty-five years ago my husband and I decided to begin every prayer time with thankfulness. At that time, he and I were praying prayers of desperation two or three times a week. Our kids were demanding teenagers, he was unhappy at work, and I was uncertain what to do professionally. We decided our prayer times were so negative that we needed a change.
Thankfulness prayers with my husband taught me to notice good things in the middle of challenges. As I bring those good things into God’s presence, my relationship with God is strengthened. My three thankfulness places in my imaginary worlds grew out of the blessing that thankfulness prayers have proven to be. Taking time to notice God’s free and generous gifts switches our perspective from absence to fullness. When we bring those words or images of thankfulness to God, we affirm our dependence on God and our delight in God’s goodness. Our relationship with God is nurtured.
As an Amazon Associate, I receive a small amount for purchases made through appropriate links.
Thank you for supporting Godspace in this way.
When referencing or quoting Godspace Light, please be sure to include the Author (Christine Sine unless otherwise noted), the Title of the article or resource, the Source link where appropriate, and ©Godspacelight.com. Thank you!