A wonderful post by Lisa Scandrette as we continue our theme, Spirituality of Imperfection —
I stand carefully on the edge of the inlet, feet on plant lined, ocean covered rock. The water is shallow and beckons me in. Yet, I don’t know how to navigate these rocks and the fertile sea garden beneath me. My feet seemed glued in place. Mark holds out a snorkel and invites me again. I want to do this. How can I be at this beautiful place so far from home and pass it up? He says, “Just swim. It’s easier.”
Though this inlet is protected, the powerful sea and the creatures it holds make me feel nervous. “Here, sit by me,” he says. I squat on the rock, unable to submit to the mossy, plant covered surface. He gives me the snorkel and mask. I put it on and peer at my feet, only to see tiny fish swarming where before, though I thought the water was clear, I saw nothing. In seconds, my body doesn’t believe it can breathe and fear rises stronger than my desire to see.
I want to and must do this thing. I squeeze the salt water from my eyes, readjust, and try floating. For a moment, it works and I see a whole underwater world. Then, I taste salt water and panic for air, lifting my face from the water. Mark’s shoulder is nearby. I hold on. Something solid. My body calms. I regroup. Again, I adjust the mask and snorkel and put my face to the water. I repeat this routine a couple more times. I feel childlike and embarrassed by my fear, but I am unable to mask it. Always, Mark’s voice calls when my body panics. Always, his voice steadies me, and his voice tells me I’ll get used to it.
And then, finally, I float. I breathe. I kick my feet gently and see fish, big and little; I see the kelp, sea urchin, little stars and pinkish plants growing on the rocks. My body relaxes and I don’t need to find Mark.
When the time comes for me to hand over the snorkel and give Mark a turn at that thing he loves, I am grateful….grateful for him holding my fear gently and yet not letting it prevent him from reminding me that I can do this. I’m grateful for his firm, steady shoulder. I’m also proud of myself for plunging in in the midst of my fear, for persisting because I did not want to miss this opportunity. Despite everything, I stuck my face in the water, I breathed, I swam, and I saw the fish.
As our kids began college, I felt a similar wave of anxiety surprise me. Sometimes, in the morning I would wake with my heart pounding and my mind swirling, with the visceral feeling that something was wrong. My body felt like I needed to escape. It took time in the beginning of each day to remember that I am not alone, to calm my heartbeat and breathing, and to proceed with my day.
I would rehearse the truths that calmed me….that God was near, that God walked with both me and my kids, and that God would help me through the moments when I felt ungrounded and panicked. And when I felt fear and anxiety rising up, I stopped to rehearse again throughout the day. God did not dismiss my fear or scold me, but rather encouraged me that I could move through it and embrace the very moment that I was in. At the same time, God invited me to notice the beauty in the new and unfamiliar stage of life I was entering. I wanted to embrace this new stage of life with grace, but it didn’t come easily. It took practice, learning a new way to move and breathe into my day. It was gentleness and patience with the process that helped me through my fear to embracing the day. And it was the steady presence of God, inviting me and accompanying me.
I’ve since acclimated more to this new stage. It is more rare to wake up with my heart pounding. And when I do, I can remember that God is near, his shoulder is right there should I need to lift my head out of the rough waters, reorient, and take a deep breath before plunging back in.
As we continue this months theme, Spirituality of Imperfection, enjoy this beautiful poem by Talitha Fraser —
You take, shape, mold me
You hold the raw material tenderly
and say ‘..this has potential’
I am a child.
I am underfoot and in the way.
I cannot stay within the lines
but I am so eager to help
You cannot resist me.
I am kind of cute and You
delight in my delight.
Surely this will be slower, more work,
not turn out quite as You intended
Surely this will be perfect.
By John Birch —
I don’t know about you, but August can be a hectic month in our household. So far we’ve had a week camping in a field at a Christian conference, and a week being invaded by family. There’s another camp coming up later in the month, at a folk festival, and in-between there’s the usual household and gardening tasks to catch up with, alongside work, preaching and other commitments.
It’s so easy to put God to one side in such situations, go into survival mode just to get through busy times like this. And yet, deep down, I know it’s so important to find those quiet moments within each day (and there are always one or two!) and just be still, and listen. For in those moments God is there, his peace will flow, his love refresh, and my day will be blessed.
May there be
within this day
quiet moments,
when I can rest
in your presence,
sit for a while
at your feet,
be still, and
simply listen.
By Emily Huff —
For World Forgiveness Day, I want to turn our attention to two stories. The first is the parable of the unforgiving servant from Matthew 18:23-35. One man owed the king ten thousand talents–the footnote in my Bible says that a talent was worth about 20 years of a day laborer’s wages. It is so easy to gloss over this note and not take time to do some basic math to understand the weight of this story (this means that ten thousand talents would equal 200,000 years of work!). It is crazy to try to wrap our minds around this, and it is no wonder that this man cried out for mercy because there was no way humanly possible that he would ever be able to pay back the sum. The king did extend mercy and canceled his debt, and he was set free. Can you imagine his joy and the party he must have thrown? Not long after, this same man in turn came across a man who owed him a hundred denarii, about the amount earned from a hundred days (or about four months) of work. While this is a significant amount of money and more than just a few dollars, the man forgot the gift that had just been given to him, and he refused to forgive the debt. The story ends with this warning of the consequences of an unforgiving heart: 32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. 35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
While we have been set free and forgiven by Christ’s amazing grace, are we not also like the unforgiving servant as we hold onto debts owed to us with a white-knuckled grip? We are so easily distracted, and we forget what has been extended to us. This story reminds us that we need to cultivate a heart of gratitude for the grace and mercy we ourselves have been given so that when we are wounded by others that we respond out of love and mercy and not out of anger and vengeance. We sometimes respond like wounded animals backed into a corner, lashing out to protect ourselves. Quite frankly, we have few other models in our culture for winning our battles any other way. Coleman McCarthy, founder for the Center for Teaching Peace, wrote, “We don’t know because we weren’t taught,” and the result of this neglect in our society is “peace illiteracy…a land awash in violence.”
The second story I’d like to focus is the tragic event from the fall of 2006 when Charles Carl Roberts IV walked into an Amish schoolhouse near Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania and shot ten girls. Five of those girls were killed, and five were seriously injured. After the attack, the murderer shot himself leaving the survivors with searing losses. While our country reacted with anger and outrage, the Amish community there responded with grace, kindness and mercy. Revenge was not a part of their agenda, and they instead poured out forgiveness on the widow of the murderer and on their family. The media did not know what to do with this. How could this community forgive such evil? Why did they not deliver a severe punishment demanding justice after this unspeakable tragedy? Some editorials wondered why more of the Christian community did not look like this with such a display of practical forgiveness as proof of the faith.
In National Catholic Reporter, Joan Chittister wrote an article about the Amish shooting called “What Kind of People are These?” She writes, “it was the Christianity we all profess but which [the Amish] practiced that left us stunned.” She answers the question posed in her title with her conclusion: “Interestingly enough, we do know what kind of people the Amish are — and, like the early Romans, we, too, are astounded at it. ‘Christian’ they call it.”
A beautiful book called Amish Grace described the Amish community’s authentic expression of faith amidst this tragedy. This book is based on numerous interviews with community members, relatives of the gunman, and family members of those murdered, and it examined the Amish views on forgiveness at the root of their actions.
In one of the most poignant chapters of Amish Grace, the authors share how the Amish revere forgiveness in worship services twice a year and in remembrance of 16th century martyrs who forgave their persecutors. They take time in their liturgy to remember that Jesus’ life and his message of forgiveness were central to his mission. In addition, the authors note: “The Amish believe if they don’t forgive, they won’t be forgiven. This forms the core of Amish spirituality and the core of their understanding of salvation: forgiveness from God hinges on a willingness to forgive others. The crucial phrase, repeated frequently by the Amish in conversations, sermons, and essays, is this: to be forgiven, we must forgive.”
Forgiveness takes practice, and the Amish take this practice seriously as they take Jesus at his word. It means doing the hard work of letting go of our resentment and grudges. “Genuine forgiveness takes a lot of work — absorbing the pain, extending empathy to the offender, and purging bitterness — even after a decision to forgive has been made.”
This Amish community shows us that there is a better way than the way of the unforgiving servant. We do not have to be trapped in the pain and brokenness of our world. Grace, not vengeance, is the answer where Jesus promises freedom and life. Extending love to our enemies with everyday practices of forgiveness is the gritty work we are called to in our life as Christ followers.
Mother Teresa writes the following:
So, my challenge for us on World Forgiveness Day is to take seriously Jesus’ words to us about forgiveness. Take some time to make a list of those with whom we share the journey- those who have been given to us and those to whom we have been given. To whom do you belong? Who belongs to you?
With this list in front of you, consider any bitterness or strife that comes to mind as you name these people.
Then, take some time to name what God has done for you and hold your hand open with gratitude. Allow God to wash over you in this space.
Now you are ready to consider the bitter relationship that needs tending. With gratitude that has been invited in, you are less likely to point the finger at the other person with blame and anger, and you are more likely to come from a place of compassion and grace.
Ask God for help and mercy to help you do this work that you cannot do alone and quite frankly is humanly impossible. “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.” 1 John 4:7.
May God grant us hearts of forgiveness so we may walk in light of His freedom and grace.
I offer the Book of Common Prayer’s liturgy below to help you continue to practice this in your daily life because it is true that practice makes permanent:
Confession of Sin
Let us confess our sins against God and our neighbor.
Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done, and by what we have left undone. We have not loved you with our whole heart; we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We are truly sorry and we humbly repent. For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ, have mercy on us and forgive us; that we may delight in your will, and walk in your ways, to the glory of your Name. Amen.
Almighty God have mercy on us, forgive us all our sins through our Lord Jesus Christ, strengthen us in all goodness, and by the power of the Holy Spirit keep us in eternal life. Amen.
The Invitatory and Psalter
V: Lord, open our lips.
R: And our mouth shall proclaim your praise.
Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit:
as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be for ever. Amen.
Psalm 95
The Lord is full of compassion and mercy: Come let us adore him.
Come, let us sing to the LORD; *
let us shout for joy to the Rock of our salvation.
Let us come before his presence with thanksgiving *
and raise a loud shout to him with psalms
The Lord is full of compassion and mercy: Come let us adore him.
For the LORD is a great God, *
and a great King above all gods.
In his hand are the caverns of the earth, *
and the heights of the hills are his also.
The sea is his, for he made it, *
and his hands have molded the dry land.
The Lord is full of compassion and mercy: Come let us adore him.
Come, let us bow down, and bend the knee, *
and kneel before the LORD our Maker.
For he is our God,
and we are the people of his pasture and the sheep of his hand. *
Oh, that today you would hearken to his voice!
The Lord is full of compassion and mercy: Come let us adore him.
Harden not your hearts,
as your forebears did in the wilderness, *
at Meribah, and on that day at Massah,
when they tempted me.
They put me to the test, *
though they had seen my works.
The Lord is full of compassion and mercy: Come let us adore him.
Forty years long I detested that generation and said, *
“This people are wayward in their hearts;
they do not know my ways.”
So I swore in my wrath, *
“They shall not enter into my rest.”
The Lord is full of compassion and mercy: Come let us adore him.
Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit:
as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be for ever. Amen.
The Lord is full of compassion and mercy: Come let us adore him.
Episcopal Church. The Book Of Common Prayer and Administration of the Sacraments and Other Rites and Ceremonies of the Church : Together with the Psalter or Psalms of David According to the Use of the Episcopal Church. New York :Seabury Press, 1979.
Chittister, Joan. “What Kind of People Are These?” National Catholic Reporter, 9 Oct. 2006, www.ncronline.org/blogs/where-i-stand/what-kind-people-are-these.
Kraybill, Donald B, Steven M. Nolt, and David Weaver-Zercher. Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass, 2007.
by Christine Sine
This has been a powerful week of healing for me.
I began the week in Victoria B.C. where Tom and I spent a day on one of our quarterly retreats. I spent most of the day writing poetry. Then I delved into Parker Palmer’s latest book On the Brink of Everything, where he shares about the power of poetry in his life. I was particularly struck by his words I write poetry as well as read it because it’s one of the best forms of self-therapy I know. I have never consciously sought healing through my reading and writing of poetry yet as I reflected on these words I realized that healing has come as I crafted my words into poems and prayers, many of which I have shared on this blog. It is indeed a powerful form of self-therapy for me and I suspect for many of us.
On Thursday evening we had a local poet, Vicky Edmonds in our home. She shared about the work she does with children encouraging them to find healing in the writing of poetry. She expressed the belief that the most beautiful part of each of us is invisible and invited us to name one of our invisible beauties and make a poem about it. We started by naming the beauty and then identifying a color we associated with it. She then asked “how is this helping you and the world?” It was a profound and inspiring process.
The invisible beauty I named was love. This was partly because my week has been spent pondering the question “What did God breathe into us to give us life?” I came to the conclusion that as God is love, it was love that gave us life and I surmised that God’s breath is love incarnate – simple words to describe what has been profound experience for me. The prayer I shared above was my expression of this process.
Why Did David Write Poetry?
As I continued to reflect on this today, another thought came to me: “I wonder if David wrote poetry because he too found healing in it. I wonder too if we enjoy the psalms so much because this record of David’s poetry gives us healing too?”
Have you ever thought about what a damaged person David must have been? When Samuel came to anoint to his family to anoint the son he thought would one day be king, it was as though his parents had forgotten all about him. He was away with the sheep, maybe an unwanted last child. And as he grows, even with Samuel’s anointing, there seems to be little acceptance. When he goes to visit his brothers in the army they seem to despise him. Saul accepts and embraces him originally, but ends up hating and trying to kill him. He flees for his life and seems to spend much of his adulthood swinging between a hero’s welcome and despised rejection. Not only does Saul end up despising him, but his wife and sons do too. I suspect that after his adultery with Bathsheba he thinks God despises him too.
There must have been lots of healing necessary in David’s life and I wonder if the writing of poetry brought him some of that healing. Maybe this is why he could endure through all these hardships. Maybe this is why even at the end of his life he could cling to God. Maybe this is why God described him as “A man after my own heart” (Acts 13:22) It certainly wasn’t because he had led a blameless life. Maybe to be a person after God’s own heart means to be willing to repent and keep moving towards wholeness no matter what we face in life. And maybe poetry, or I suspect any form of creative expression, is part of the way we get there.
What Is Your response?
Have you ever written or read a poem that profoundly impacted you and brought healing and wholeness to your spirit? Read through your favourite psalm. Allow its words to sink deep into your soul. How does it touch you today? Is there a poem that wells up in you as a response? Write it down. Perhaps you want to rewrite the psalm in your own words. Or like my experience with Vicky Edmonds you might like to write down one of your “invisible beauties” and allow it to lead you into poetic expression.
What other form of creative expression brings you healing and draws you closer to the wholeness God intends for you? Prayerfully consider this question and commit to spend time in self-therapy, soul-care today, allowing the healing balm of God’s creative spirit welling up within you to bring you wholeness.
Today we celebrate, St Ninian of Whithorn with this wonderful post by Rowan Wyatt —
What’s it like to feel like you don’t exist?
Many years ago, I mislaid my passport. At the same time my driver’s license was being updated as it became invalid and by happenstance I needed to prove my identity to my new employers, demonstrating my right to live and work in the UK. Because my documentation was either away, lost or just non-existent I found I couldn’t prove who I was, and for that moment in time it seemed like I just didn’t exist.
According to the venerable Bede in AD731, Saint Ninian of Whithorn was “a most reverend bishop and holy man of the nation of Britons” In AD397 he was named the very first Saint of Scotland, and Whithorn became a serious place of pilgrimage from the seventh century, a place where illnesses were cured, and miracles performed. Kings and commoners alike would make the pilgrimage to his shrine there.
Yet today there is debate that Saint Ninian ever existed at all. We have Bede’s account which was written a few hundred years after Ninian’s death and some other written references, all post mortem, but nothing has been found to reference him during his lifetime. This of course has given a springboard to smug academics to bleat that Saint Ninian never existed other than an idea, or as in one badly written article I read, that his name was misspelled and that he was just a simple monk with no claims of sainthood at all. How unpleasant that so many would clamour to take the name from someone in order to boost their own.
Yet this is the world that we now live in. Identity has become a major issue worldwide. Shadowy criminals try to steal our identity every day, inventing new and varied tricks and traps to get our information. Government bodies try to monitor and track us using our identities against us, and in some cases as I mentioned with my experience we can lose our identity altogether and not be able to prove we exist, as has happened to Saint Ninian.
All around the globe displaced people lose their identity, homes and belongings and become nothing more than numbers and statistics, unable to prove they exist. Our identity is who we are, to lose that makes one feel powerless and vulnerable indeed.
In Luke 4: 16-30 we see the first time that Jesus’ identity was questioned. Outraged at his ‘falsehoods’ the members of the synagogue wanted to kill him. Indeed, throughout his ministry Jesus tried to confirm his identity as the son of God. Many believed him, many more didn’t and even one of his closest friends still doubted him until a shocking moment convinced him so.
So, did Saint Ninian actually exist? I believe so, maybe there is some embroidery around his name and life, but I am not so quick to scoff and sneer like a few ego-centric academics, for my life is built on faith. I choose to believe he existed, there is enough evidence for me and, well, it makes the world a brighter place to have him in it. It shows too how important our identity is to us and to take it away is to take away a fundamental part of who we are. When you can’t prove your existence you simply cease to be, and everyone deserves that right to exist and be recognised. Don’t we?
By Lilly Lewin
* John 6:35: Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.
* John 6:48: I am the bread of life.
What are you hungry for today? What do you really need to be satisfied?
More likely a snickers bar than an apple? A pizza verses a salad?
Does it matter?
What would really quench your thirst? …a large bottle of Aquafina, or a double tall latte from Starbucks? 
What do we fill our plates full of? Our literal plates…are they filled with fast food, junk food, fatty foods? Or healthy, organic, fruits and veg?
Our metaphorical plates? Instagram, Nextflix, sport, meetings, paperwork, mountains of laundry and dishes, and activities for the kids, or homework and classes, work, work and more work…
When you think of bread…what comes to mind? For me it’s the smell of fresh baked bread …then it’s the addition of a slab of butter to that fresh piece of bread.
And when you are really hungry at a restaurant…isn’t great when the bread comes to the table before the meal?
Jesus said, “I am the Bread of Life”
Bread is the staple of life in all countries….and rice might be substituted in this verse if you lived in Asia somewhere…”I am the RICE of life.”
Do we allow Jesus to be the first thing on our plates or the last?
Do we fill our plates with so many other things..even good things that we don’t have room for the fresh homemade bread?
Are we starting with the bread or skipping it?
Starting with Jesus? or making Him an afterthought? Or do we think, I can do that someday, after my diet.
What sustains you? What gives you life? Do you settle for less than real bread? Or, Do you settle for an empty plate because that’s all you think or feel you deserve?
God provided manna from heaven, enough for each day. All they had to do was go out & collect it. One day at a time, just enough for that day because any hoarded leftovers would rot. And gather enough for two days before the sabbath, because none would be available on that day because Sabbath day was about rest, not work.
Are you receiving sustenance for today? Or are you worrying too much about tomorrow?
Are you hoarding stuff that’s just going to rot? Are you settling for an empty plate or rotten bread?
Jesus said that he is the Bread of Life. He is the true Manna from Heaven. Are you willing to let Bread sustain you? Are you willing to let Bread satisfy you today? Each day? One day at a time? What would help you trust in Bread? Can you let Bread fill & satisfy you today?
Jesus said, “Take eat …this is my body.”
Do we really believe? Do we really believe that this Bread will sustain us? And what will help us to believe that Jesus will really satisfy us, that this Bread, loving him and living in his love will really satisfy us and help us never to hunger and thirst after other things? Take some time to consider that this week.
Today, Eat a piece of bread and allow Jesus to satisfy you. Savor the taste. Add Jam or Butter. Truly take time to enjoy the flavor, the texture. Talk to Jesus about where you are with him.
Write down on a Paper Plate all the things you are carrying around, all the things on your plate today. Allow Jesus to carry this plate! Allow Jesus to have this plate. Allow Jesus to clean your plate!
And when you see or smell or and when you eat bread this week, be reminded that Jesus is your source of satisfaction. He is truly the Bread of Life.
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