By Shelby Hofer –
In the midst of an emotional breakdown last night I uttered a cry of complete desperation to my husband, “I am just a mom!” and was drawn up short by just how true that feels to me these days. Now, I don’t mean “just a mom” in the sense of what a mom DOES, because as we all know, that’s a freakin’ big job to DO. I meant “just a mom” in the sense of who I am, and that is what feels frightening to me. That is what stopped me mid-sob, because the truth of that statement is exactly what I’ve been trying to pinpoint these last few weeks as “The Problem”, the thing that is eating me alive and stealing my sense of reality. Another identity, a giant beast called “I am Mother”, has risen up and eclipsed all that I am, the very real “Me”, and that, my true identity, who I am, is helpless; slow-drowning in a bog of expectations and tasks that engulf me in a never ending set of tidal waves. The “I am” of the very core of my identity tries to rise from the undertow and gasp for a breath every now and then, but all too often these days just spends her time rolling around on the bottom of the ocean, lost in the ebb and flow of the storm, waiting for a breath, wondering if it will come, and falling into that slow death-like sleep that takes over just before real Death comes to claim us.
This is “The Problem”, or at least a very large part of it, “The Problem” being that I can hardly make it through a day without feeling like I’m literally, and very slowing, going insane. I can watch myself from outside of my body, and reflect on this interesting phenomenon fairly dispassionately, until the cries and needs of my children unsympathetically pull me back into my body, kicking and screaming, to face once more the emptiness that is “Me” while simultaneously trying to be everything that I’m supposed to be, do everything that I’m supposed to do, and clinging fruitlessly to the scraps of what I used to know as who I am.
It used to be that when people told me to “cherish every moment of this season because it passes so quickly!” that I wanted to punch them in the face. Now I don’t even have the energy for disbelieving anger. Now I just stare at them with glassy, tired eyes, and start to cry slowly inside. Because I am “just a mom”, and that just feels…bad. I don’t want to cherish every moment of this empty, dark place, because it feels like hell, and it’s not something I want to relive any more than my current reality demands of me. Yes, there are the small moments that shine like rays of sun through the gray clouds of my days. The first moment they say, “momma”, those smiles that melt your heart, those days where they sleep normally and you get an extended moment of peace. But then the clouds close up again, they start screaming for no known reason (or just because they are stubborn), they argue with you constantly, hit each other, fight, yell and generally misbehave. You can’t cook or clean or do the laundry because they crawl all over you, all the time, like tiny parasites that weigh a ton and suck the soul from your body. Pleasant, isn’t it?
I wish I had some sunny anecdote to share with you, and myself, that would make it all ok. Some small thing to give that would make it feel better, but the only thing I have to give is the knowledge that you are not alone. It feels that way sometimes, I know, but even though you may be “just a mom” right now, I have faith that the real identity of who I am, of who you are, will rise up one day, from the ashes of the destruction of this season, and will grow into something even more beautiful than it was before. I have Hope, and I give it to you, to me, and to those who suffer with us. It’s small, and fragile, but beautiful, and it will grow, just give it time.
When we are in a season of trials and suffering, often HOPE is the only thing we can cling onto. So if you are in one of these seasons – cling on to the Hope of Jesus and the new season that will come soon. As we end this month, find rest in that we don’t always stay in dreary winters.
Shelby is a full time stay at home mom to two little ninja-pirates, a part time missionary to Switzerland, and a full time lover of Jesus. When she’s not being yelled at for trying to pee alone, she enjoys coffee, talking and listening to people’s stories.
by Christine Sine
Tom and I are on our way to Iona, Scotland as part of our celebration for our 25th wedding anniversary, so it isn’t surprising that Celtic prayers are uppermost in my thoughts, or that today’s post is particularly short. Today’s prayer was inspired by Patrick’s breastplate and by John O’Donohue’s prayer I Arise Today which I posted a couple of weeks ago. The rich sense of history, the closeness of the presence of God and the wonder and joy of exploring this precious place once again is amazing for me.
I appreciate your prayers as we travel, soak in the rich history and wonderful spiritual environment of this place and just enjoy each other and the gift of travel God gives us. I hope you enjoy the prayer. I think this trip could inspire many more!
By Lilly Lewin—
One of my passions is to bring art and artists back into worship. Once upon a time, before the Reformation, the artists told The Story. The artists were the ones who brought the Bible to life in paint, stone, wood and color. Sadly we threw the baby out with the bath water and art and imagery left most church buildings. We were left to our ears to receive the Good News. I remember the very first time I watched an artist paint in response to a sermon. I began sobbing. So many friends of mine who are artists never were invited to use their gifts in church and especially not in a worship setting. They didn’t know that their gifts were valuable, and needed, to help tell of the love of Jesus and help engage a visually driven culture.
Since that time, I have been on a mission to bring art back into worship. I know that singing and music are art forms, but I am talking about visual art and artists. I love using the art of the Masters as well as contemporary art pieces to help people engage God and provide a focus for prayer and worship. I love inviting artists of all kinds to share their gifts in a worship gathering. And I love providing art supplies in worship settings so all ages can create prayers and express themselves.
One of my favorite visual artists is my friend Scott Erickson http://scottericksonart.com/
. I met Scott many years ago when he was painting live at the National Youth Worker’s Convention. Since then, Scott has been an artist in residence at churches in Houston, Seattle, and Portland, been on staff with World Vision and created wonderful art pieces to help us respond to God. He even travels with an amazing one-man show called “we are not troubled guests” as well as speaking and teaching about art in worship and “live” painting at churches and conferences all over the US. Scott just finished a new series of art pieces on Practices http://scottericksonart.com/portfolio/spiritual-practices-downloadable-art-show/
that you can download for your own use or for your church community to use. He also has a great prayer book that I used during Lent this year. You can also find great inspiration from his video series “Why the Church needs Art” http://scottericksonart.com/video/
Check out Scott’s amazing work http://scottericksonart.com/
And follow him on instagram too!
https://www.instagram.com/scottthepainter/?hl=en
Your mission for the weekend: Is to take yourself on an art date! Try out one of the ideas below!
I don’t know who said this but I quote it all the time in my workshops, “we are all artists til about second grade, then we start comparing our drawings with other people’s and we stop believing in our own creativity. “ It’s time to reclaim our creativity and believe we are artists again!
- So grab some crayons, some side walk chalk, some markers, or water colors and create something! Allow the Holy Spirit to inspire you with color and texture. Enjoy the process and don’t worry about the final outcome. Just do it!
- If you enjoy drawing our doodling, start taking your sketchbook and art supplies to church and drawing in response to the sermon/talk. What images come to mind from the music, or from the scripture passage or from the message preached or taught?
- Draw a large heart on a piece of paper or cardboard, use magazines to find words and pictures that represent what God’s heart for you is all about. Cut out pictures and words that represent God’s heart for you.
What is in God’s heart? How does God feel about you? What gifts does God want to give to you?
Draw these in the heart or cut out words and pictures from magazines and create a collage of love.
- Go to an art museum or art gallery and let the Holy Spirit be your guide. What do you notice? What art piece speaks to you?
Freerangeworship.com
http://www.freerangeworship.com/
https://www.instagram.com/lillylewin/?hl=en
“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he/she grows up.”
Pablo Picasso
I posted this prayer on the Facebook page Light for the Journey this a few years back. It is a beautiful prayer and I wish I knew who wrote it. As you enter this weekend and prepare for your own Sabbath rest, sit quietly for a few moments and rest your own soul. Read the prayer aloud and let its truth seep into your soul. Sit with it. Breathe in deeply. Read it through again. What is God saying to you about your need for Sabbath rest?
God whose labor led to light and growth,
darkness and nurturing,
creatures of sea and all crawling things on the earth;
God whose labor led to all life and all beauty;
God whose labor culminated in Sabbath rest,
laying down the beautiful and hard work of that week:
help us also to lay down
the labor of our weeks
in Sabbath rest.
Help us to meet in silence and song,
hearing your Word speaking anew to our needful spirits.
Help us to release our many cares
into your and one another’s keeping.
Help us to find renewal from our burdens,
the sorrows and fears that weigh on us,
the tragedies marring the world’s beauty.
Guide us to Sabbath rest, O God—
And once we have experienced its settling—
once we have been refreshed in its healing—
lead us into work once again:
the work of healing others,
and co-creating the Shalom of your dreaming.
Author unknown
Make Music is a free celebration of music around the world on June 21st. Launched in 1982 in France as the Fête de la Musique, it is now held on the same day in more than 750 cities in 120 countries.
Completely different from a typical music festival, Make Music is open to anyone who wants to take part. Every kind of musician — young and old, amateur and professional, of every musical persuasion — pours onto streets, parks, plazas, and porches to share their music with friends, neighbors, and strangers. All of it is free and open to the public. For more information see http://www.makemusicday.org/. For participating locations, see http://www.makemusicday.org/cities/worldwide/
As well as such one-day events, much good can come from a longer cross-cultural commitment. ‘Musicians Without Borders’ is a group that “uses the power of music to bridge divides, connect communities, and heal the wounds of war.” They have programs in the Balkans, in the Middle East, Central-East Africa, and Northern Ireland. Learn more at
https://www.musicianswithoutborders.org/
The Bible encourages us to “sing a new song to the Lord” multiple times. It’s also good to sing songs with our local communities, and to use music as a bridge to healing in war-torn places around the world.
By Britni D’Eliso,
Trust in the Lord and do good.
Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.
Commit everything you do to the Lord.
Trust him, and he will help you.
He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn,
and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.
Be still in the presence of the Lord,
and wait patiently for him to act.
Psalm 37:3-7
For most of my adult life, I have journeyed through each season with the mindset that my current circumstances are specifically preparing me for what’s to come.
When I was granted leadership roles as an undergraduate in college, it was clearly for the purpose of equipping me for future leadership in the Church or in my career.
When my husband Mike and I encountered obstacles in our marriage, the task of overcoming them became about noting the tools we used, that will presumably be needed for the next major hurdle down the road.
When our family had the opportunity to help pastor two unique, messy and complex church bodies, the problem-solving and relationship-honing it required were all tucked away in my tool belt for inevitable conflicts to come.
While I truly think there is some wisdom in this approach, it does pose a bit of a problem: living with such a future-oriented mindset tends to rob someone of savoring the present moment. How much of those struggles and victories did I gloss over or not fully engage as I was distracted by how they might be preparing me for what’s next? What was there to gain in living fully immersed in the thick of those experiences, that I simply missed out on due to my preoccupation with “opportunity for growth?”
In this season, as in the last 5 days to be exact, I’ve been actively battling this tension of living in the moment while looking to the future. As of today, I am 39 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Statistics, my midwife, and my own hope/gut-feeling told me I’d have my baby early, and certainly before this point. At my appointment 5 days ago, my midwife assured me (though there’s “no guarantee”), that I would very likely have this baby before my next appointment. Well, my next appointment is tomorrow at 10:00 am… so here we are.
The past week has consisted of checking off every practical step of preparation for this child that one could think of, mostly within the span of my first two days of maternity leave, and then a whole lot of waiting.
In my head and in my heart, I know these are days to cherish–my last days ever with just my son, possibly the last time ever I’ll feel the magic of a baby kicking and moving around in my womb, and the bliss of days with no agenda and no nursing every two hours and no wiping a poopy butt.
But I can’t help but go into preparation mode. How can I navigate this time to best utilize it for arming up for this next crazy season, or a season to come that I don’t even know about yet? There must be some logical reason why this baby has not yet made her appearance…so it’s up to me to figure out what that reason is and take full advantage of it.
And do you know what Jesus is gently whispering in response to this flurry of type-A thoughts racing through my mind?
Rest, child. Relish in this moment, in each moment. Spend time with me, not to grow or to be equipped or to prepare, just to connect.
He invites us to the vulnerable state of immersing ourselves in His presence, with no other task or accomplishment to hide behind. And that can feel foreign to enter into, almost as though I need to tiptoe in. But it is certainly the safest, most satisfying and worthwhile place to spend our time. It’s there we claim his promise that those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. (Psalm 91:1-2)
…I have to imagine I’m not the only one with this tendency, right? Won’t you join me, in being still before our God, resting and waiting on Him to act?
by Christine Sine
Tom and I are getting ready to head overseas on Wednesday to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. As with my trip to Australia, I have spent a lot of time thinking about what I my spiritual observances could look like during this time.
What could I do that would give God pleasure while I am away I am wondering? My number one spiritual practice for the trip is just to enjoy it and notice the presence of God in all I do and all I meet. I especially want to be attuned to enjoying Tom, the places we visit and the many friends we will reconnect to. This is not a time for intense scripture study or for feeling guilty about the lack of lengthy times of prayer. Delighting in revisiting places we first journeyed to 25 years ago, having dinner with friends and sailing through Holland, Germany Austria and Hungary on a river cruise will delight us and I think delight God as well.
I realize though, that this trip provides a unique opportunity to create a fun spiritual adventure. My focus is I choose to give God joy. A new journal and a couple of creative exercises that I think will strengthen my faith and draw me into God’s delight are in my luggage.
Just getting ready for the trip was fun. I thoroughly enjoyed looking for a new journal, browsing Pinterest for inspirational ideas on creative spiritual exercises and new ways to record my thoughts and reflections. I have thrown in some of my coloured gel pens and printed out some of my favourite prayers. I am looking forward to new ideas and expressions flowing from my time away.
I have already written on the front page of the journal with questions I hope to reflect on as we travel
The joy of the Lord is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10)
- What gives God joy?
- What do I enjoy about God?
- What does God enjoy about me?
- What are the tensions that destroy my joy and how do I deal with them?
What is your response?
Sit quietly for a few minutes in an attitude of prayer and think about the next few months. Perhaps you would like to ask yourself the same questions I have written down. Are there ways that you could intentionally reshape your spiritual life over this season to bring greater joy to the heart of God and greater appreciation of the joy God takes in you?
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