Used with permission by Rebecca Baxter
Many years ago I found myself in a really hard period of time in which I almost lost my life on several occasions; both through the disease I had, and at my own hand. The pain I feel as I look back on that period of life and the utter despair I felt have diminished over time, but it certainly opened my eyes to see more clearly what other people are going through.
Most importantly I see it was in that time God stopped me: Stopped me from self-destructing. Stopped me from continuing in the hectic pace I was on. Stopped me for long enough to grab my attention and teach me to listen.
What do you say to God when there is nothing but anger wanting to escape your mouth? When all you have to say is so incredibly horrible that you are shocked at the depth of anger held in your heart? You let it out. You speak to God and be real about how you feel… and when you reach that time you think you have spoken, ranted, raged it all out, you cry… and eventually you listen.
A heart exposed to your creator will find it is secure in those love filled hands and heart, when eventually you stop. And listen. And you’ll find the whispers of the one who knows you even more than you know yourself. That whisper becomes louder, and more clear… and the clarity of the words being spoken to you… over you… come like the roar of a lion, or like a voice in the wind.
Listen to those wind words….
What wonderment do you have in store today God?
What whisper comes on the wind?
What light will raise my spirit, as a gentle breeze wavers in?
Wet leaves glisten in sunlight as branch sway in a dance,
And I sit in the quiet with eyes open…
What wonderment do you have in store today God?
What word comes on the wind?
As birds sing and call both melody and harmony
A page turns; a new chapter? Or perhaps a new moment?
As my heart beats, and I sit in the quiet with ears open…
What wonderment do you have in store today God?
Will I hear your whisper on the wind?
As I sit in my tiredness, will I sleep through this day?
Maybe sing with bird’s melody, or dance with frivolity?
As I sit in the quiet with mind open…
What wonderment do you have in store today God?
Will you speak on the wind? Or is this a day of silence?
Will I bask in your sunshine? Settle from my spin?
Will I hear your voice today?
As I sit in the quiet with heart open…
As I sit and wait, open to you Lord, will you come as the wind?
A rushing, cleansing Zephyr? Or a rustling enfolding Breeze?
Will you sweep in like a storm? Or spring up gently to caress my face?
What wonderment do you have in store today God?
I wrote this poem about 10 years ago, as I found that God did indeed speak to us if we are willing to quiet ourselves and listen.
If I take nothing else from that horrendous time away with me, the recognition that God will whisper to and (when necessary) roar at us has to be a great lesson.
So where are you up to today? Do you hear that quiet whisper inviting you to journey deeper? Move forward? Do this? Stop that? Is it an invitation to slow down and hear the God of the universe sing a song of deep love for you? Or maybe it’s a song of healing for old or fresh wounds? It takes a step on your part… invite God and listen.
Today I finish with a prayer… if you will, make it yours…
Oh God! Take me to that place where your beating heart sings in my ear. Take me to that place where warmth enfolds me, where grace will hold me. Take me to that place where my Saviour whispers, and truth breaks down the strongest of my defenses…. In the name of Christ I pray.
Today’s post is part of our series on listening.
5 comments
Rebecca, thanks for sharing your heart and your hurts. I really appreciate the poem too. I’ve been through a similar dark valley and the desperation that comes along for the journey. To learn to hear God even in the most tumultuous times is truly hard work… but so necessary! Blessings to you!
Thanks Andy. It really is hard work! A daily reminder to stop and notice God at work. Come rain hail or shine. To make noticing a daily exercise. .
Rebecca – words I need every day. Thank you for sharing your experience and your journey of listening in and through pain. We live with a story that brings chronic pain to great and lesser degrees depending on the day. We too know being held by the grace, listening to the Saviour whisper. Thank you.
Hi Bev. Sometimes I think our stories of pain are really stories of redemption. Its was initially my default position to rage and ignore God, but thankfully it was not the plan for me to stay there. God is good!
Thank you for sharing.