“Emotions are not right or wrong, good or bad. They are merely indicators of what is happening, and must be listened to, usually in the body. People who do not feel deeply finally do not know or love deeply either. It is the price we pay for loving. Like Job we must be willing to feel our emotions and come to grips with the mystery in our head, our heart, and, yes, our body too. To be honest, that takes our entire life. My emotions are still a mystery to me, and without contemplation they would control me.” ~Richard Rohr
I am sad and exhausted today. The trauma and uncertainty of this season have taken their toll. I drew the pic above as I processed the emotions I am feeling about life right now.
I am angry and unproductive. I was exposed to Covid19 and now I wait to see if I have it or not.
I was just starting to be more peaceful and less afraid…. and then this.
Maybe you need to draw out your feelings too. Find some crayons and paper and just begin… see where God takes you. Let your drawing become a prayer.
And as I drew, I realized I’ve been harboring resentments towards folks who aren’t taking the pandemic seriously. My anger at this is deep.
So this week, I am confessing that sin and drinking from my love mug… asking Jesus to help me to love as he loves. Asking Jesus to help me drink from the cup of love, not hatred, not bitterness, not fear. For Perfect love casts out all fear! What CUP are you drinking from today? What cup do you want to drink from instead?
O Christ of the Road of the wounded
O Christ of the tears of the broken
Be in me and with me
Hold the needs of the world
Grant me my prayers of loving and hoping
Grant me my prayers of yearning and healing
Fill me with your peace
and thank you for holding me in the palm of you hand.
(modified from a prayer by J. Philip Newell in the Celtic Prayers of Iona)
I’m so sorry to hear this, Lilly. It’s been such a long, hard slog and to be exposed to the virus after all of that is disheartening, to say the least. Hugs and best wishes to you for a negative result, but a positive attitude and feelings!
Yes, anger can be a natural response to the fact of being exposed to the virus, but thank God that He keeps pouring his love into our lives. When we experience the depth of human pain there’s even more joy in experiencing the cleansing of divine love & forgiveness. Whatever the outcome of your test, may you know God’s blessing in the days & years to come.