By Carol Dixon —
God in the heart of a snowdrop
Sometimes my faith is fragile, God,
as frail as a snowdrop.
Help me to be so earthed in you
that I can stand firm,
weathering the winter of the soul,
nodding defiance in the storms of life,
bending with the winds of change,
not breaking, bowing my head
in reverence to you, my loving God,
who causes me to dance for joy
and, in companionship with others,
give glory to you.
I wrote it one January on the anniversary of the death of my mother (who died 44 years ago this year) when my faith in God, who I had believed in from childhood, was shaken to the roots. Despite having a beautiful 6-month-old daughter, I felt desolate and bereft, even of God. Then one day, I saw a tiny snowdrop rising up from the darkness of the frozen earth, defying the bitter cold of winter and I felt the tiny stirrings of faith again rising in my frigid heart, beginning to melt my unbelief through the broken heart of God, who gave his life so that death would never defeat love.
I wrote the prayer years afterwards but the feelings that stirred all those years before remained with me, warming my heart in times of adversity, much as the Easter hymn ‘Now the green blade rises’ reminds us of God’s unfailing love (verse 4).
‘When our hearts are wintry, grieving, or in pain,
Your touch can call us back to life again,
Fields of our hearts that dead and bare have been,
Love is come again like wheat that springs up green.’ (J.M.C. Crum)
Today, the snowdrops started blooming in our garden and I thought of my prayer again and of God’s wonderful love at the heart of all things.