By Trevor Horn —
Yea, it’s Monday. That glorious day where the Type A folks like myself decide to write a blog post starting at 6:34 AM to show how much better we are there then everyone else…kidding, but seriously.
Okay, let me give you some back story. In this season I have been learning a ton about health and wholeness. I have been diving into topics like nutrition and sleep (crazy how central they are?!). And 3 months ago I even started the average person’s nightmare, Crossfit. Yes, I did it. This is my confession (maybe that should be its own post?). I have been thinking about it for YEARS (because again, I am that kind of person) and I finally walked into a gym August 1st. And lo and behold, I LOVE IT! I love the intensity, I love the competition, I love feeling like crap 5 days a week and barely being able to walk home after (again, I’m that guy).
So I have been getting pretty good at this Crossfit thing which led me to the fantastic idea of attempting trying to do 2-a-days for working out this week (again, I have deep seeded issues – blame my parents). My first attempt began with a 4:45 AM workout this morning. Yes…you read that right…4:45 AM. Like in the morning when most people are just hitting REM sleep I was hitting the gym.
I wish I could say the rest of this post was going to be about how good I am and how much better I am then everyone else (I am working towards being a healthy and fully integrated 3…if you don’t get it just look up the Enneagram…) BUT it’s not. It’s about the disaster I created to start my families week.
First of all, we’ll start with my darling 3 year old who wakes up THE SECOND I open the door to leave. Like THE SECOND. I don’t even know how he knows. Telepathy? Technology? A Tracker? A tracker is my running theory because if I move and get up out of bed HE IS THERE (like literally staring into my soul 3 inches from my face). Anyways, so my 3 year old “stalker” wakes up, but I basically ignore it (notice the “it.” I think “it” may be a better way to describe my 3 year old in this season.). And then I went to the gym. Yes….I still went to the gym…at 4:45 AM and left my wife (who HATES mornings) to fend for herself. It’s as cold as it gets outside, but again, I have to do 2-a-days to prove how much better I am than everyone else (I mean how does she not get that?!).
I am not sure what I thought was going to happen at this point. Like, will my 3-year old opens up the fridge, cooks himself some eggs and lets everyone else sleep in? Heck, maybe he would make everyone breakfast? Such a generous soul.
If only…here’s the reality. He spitfully WAKES UP EVERYONE BY 4:51 AM. Yes, everyone. And by everyone I mean my 2 year old and wife who both HATE mornings (like HATE is a soft word…my wife uses the words “sheol” and “Hades” in the same vein). By the time I get to the gym, I get “that” text. All my peeps with young kids know what I am talking about. Where one spouse just sends, “get home now.” Sometimes to make the point faster, my wife just sends the personalized emoji of her cursing which means I need to drive twice as fast or someone will be dead in ten minutes.
So by 5:30 AM (yes…5:30…I actually still tried to workout…what is wrong with me?!), I am back home. I am pissed, she is pissed, my stalker is happy and my 2-year-old has no freakin idea what is happening. Like he can’t tell if it’s morning or night with the dazed look he has in his eyes. He has just hit the point where he is literally just laying on the ground not moving. I don’t think my wife killed him but will confirm once the sun comes up.
At this point, there is only one logical solution…get in the shower and LOCK THE DOOR. I mean I know my stalker will find a way to pick the lock with his baby screw driver but at least I get a few moments of peace. Did I say by this point it’s 5:37 AM (so again, I am better than you). Anyways, I am showering as my stalker is now crying because he can’t pick the lock, my wife is up 3 hours before she should be and now is drinking coffee out of her big gulp and my 2 year old still isn’t moving (maybe we should check on him?).
And all I hear as I sit in the shower is this… “You are enough.” Three simple yet revolutionary words.
Words that this Type A, Enneagram 3, 4:45 AM waking up Crossfitter is learning to actually believe and rest in. I am enough whether I (attempt) to workout twice a day or don’t workout at all. I am enough whether I conquer the whole world in a day or I am having to lock the door to be able to shower at 5:37 AM (which I would not advise for long periods of time with young children…). I don’t have to be the best or beat everyone on Monday morning at 4:45 AM but I can simply accept the invitation to be human and be enough as I am right now (which is tired and needing my 3rd cup of coffee by 7:09 AM…).
I am not sure what kind of morning your having. Maybe you started your morning at 4:44 AM (which would piss me off & I will beat you tomorrow…oh wait, that’s not the point of this whole “enough” thing). Maybe you slept in past your alarm, had the type of morning where you locked your shower door to your own little stalker and are running late to whatever’s next. Maybe your in a season where it feels like every morning is one to forget and you don’t want to get out of bed ever again. Whatever or wherever it may be, know that you are enough this morning, this week and always. Nothing will ever change the reality that you are enough as you are, where you are, as you are.
This is what I am thankful for while I write this Monday morning meditation. I am grateful for the invitation of God to know his sweet embrace this morning. To know that I am enough in the messiness of young kids, in my feeble attempts at trying to outperform the world and while I am locked in the bathroom at 5:37 AM. I am enough and that is enough and I hope you know the same. And I am with you all in learning this much needed truth as I sit locked in my shower at 5:37 AM.
” But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong”. – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10