Looking Back at Christmas & Into the New Year

by Hilary Horn

By Piper Lin —

This year, our Christmas was small and intimate with just my aunt, Gary’s mom, and Connie’s family. We hosted the dinner and decided to do it the Taiwanese way – hotpot on our little dining table. It was refreshingly different, low stress and delicious. The night was beautiful with snow falling steadily outside, and holiday lights twinkling inside (Gary hung them up all around our dining room last minute, it’s lovely.) The kids ate lots of sweets, and got so many presents (which asks for a separate post later.)

The embarrassing truth is, I wasn’t feeling lovely at all in the weeks leading up to Christmas. I was feeling down and doing a lot of self-pitying over this lingering sickness I’ve had (the isolation and the inability to function like my normal self killed me), the stress of holiday shopping, the family photos not turning out well in prints, the guilt of not doing Christmas cards this year, the lack of ‘me time’ to pursue new passions, and the hard fact that we won’t get to see my sister and family in Taiwan this year.

But then a week before Christmas, while mindlessly scrolling through my email inbox, I clicked on this company‘s newsletter (that I normally just delete without reading) and was struck by this line: “embrace your season because your season is RIGHT NOW.”

I paused, and pondered.

As much as I’d like to deny it, a part of me does think that once Cece is older, I’d hopefully be able to sleep better, have more time for myself and Gary, and maybe find a job to bring in extra income to fund our Taiwan trips. As much as I’d like to say I stay present in my day-to-day, a part of me wishes we could go back to the family reunion last winter, while another part of me is simply trying to get through each day, and hope tomorrow I’d wake up without a painful headache and hurting jaw.

Elle says it well: “…but there is beauty in every moment of every day, even the darkest and saddest.” How true is that? Things may never be perfect, and while I sit and wish the hard times away, there is joy in every moment of every day, ready to be recognized, embraced and soaked in. As a child of God, this can’t be more true because He is faithful, His love is constant and I know He has the best plan for every stage of our lives.

So, I’m embracing my season right now, headaches and loneliness and all, and will continue it as my chosen phrase for the coming new year.

Hi I’m Piper! I am married to Gary, my love-at-first-sight when I was 16. We live in Gary’s hometown, Seattle, WA, and together we are raising four little amazing humans who sometimes we can’t believe are ours. I created my blog as a space as a way to practice self-care: here you can find me writing about motherhood reflections, bit + pieces of our family life, and things I love and find inspiring at pipesiclediaries.wordpress.com

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